


Magnus Has Had Enough

by tella



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Don't Like Don't Read, Gen, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, could be classed as not Jace or Clary friendly, not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-11-14 02:39:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18043871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tella/pseuds/tella
Summary: Story is pretty much what the title says.Oh could be classed as not Jace, Clary friendly, so if you don't like don't read





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As the tags stated, I don't know what this is.
> 
> I re-watched some episodes of season three and this just came to me.
> 
> I'm not sure if its any good, but it was a nice break from trying to fix the next chapter in City of Bones, but I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Don't think i wil post or add to this. sorry
> 
> Oh could be classed as not Jace, Clary friendly, so if you don't like don't read.

“Magnus, do you have anything to say?” Alec asked, breaking the stunned silence.

  
Magnus just let out a tired sigh as he sat forward in his seat, placing his elbow on the table and resting him chin on his palm as he stared at the nervously shifting Clary and Jace. He could feel the eyes of the others seated around the table staring him.

  
They had been in the middle of a Downworlder meeting, listening as the Seelie’s complained about the werewolves who were running freely in their forests with no care to their plants and wild life. Magnus had been trying to calm the argument that had been about to erupt when Alec, Izzy, Jace and Clary stormed into his loft, Clary and Jace demanding that he help them.

  
The werewolves had not appreciated the Shadowhunter’s interrupting their meeting and had shifted their anger onto the interlopers. Once Magnus had gotten everyone calmed down again, he turned to Alec to explain what had happened. Once his boyfriend had finished explained he had slumped down into his chair and stared at them in stunned silence, even the other Downworlders had just stared at the Shadowhunters in disbelief.  
Alec cleared his throat, uncomfortable with all the silence and starring as he turned to his boyfriend and asked, “Magnus, what are you thinking?”

  
“I think that we really don’t have to worry about Valentine killing us all,” he said voice and face blank as he never took his eyes of Jace and Clary, he saw the smug smile that crawled across Jace’s face and the proud look in Clary’s eyes. He ignored the incredulous looks that the others were shooting him as he stood up, voice hard and cold as he said, “Not when we have Tweedledee and Tweedledum over there going to get us all killed first,”

  
“Magnus!”

  
“What Alec!!” he turned to glare at his boyfriend as he snapped, “What? Do you want me to pat them on the back and say well done!” he turned back to Jace and Clary as he continued, “I mean seriously, have the two of you learn nothing over the last year.”

“Magnus, it’s not their f…”

“Really,” Magnus glared at him as he snapped, “Are you really going to stand there and tell me that none of this is their fault!!”

“We didn’t mean… I mean…we didn’t think it…”

“And that’s the problem,” he snarled interrupting Clary, he ignored the shocked look on the girls face as he continued, “You never think. You never think things through, you just go ahead with whatever hairbrained scheme that you’ve thought up, no matter what people tell you, people who do know better.”

“This is not their fault,” Alec defended the stunned pair, “They thought they were helping.”

“This is all their fault!!” he shouted, he took a deep breath to calm his anger as he said in a more controlled voice, “If they had just thought for five goddam minutes then this mess wouldn’t be happening, again.”

“Again, we’ve never…”

“Let lose a greater demon, not just any demon, but a fucking Prince of Hell,” he snorted at them s he added, "No, I agree. you haven't done anything this bad, but at least you're consistent. When you fuck up, you really fuck up, big.

“Look, we thought we were doing the right thing,” Jace snapped defensively, before he glared at Magnus as he said, “Besides, I would think you would be thanking us…”

“Thanking you, thank…are you completely delusional?” Magnus asked completely stunned, “Why on earth would I be thankful for a greater demon running around causing havoc?”

“Cause we thought it would get you your magic back,” Clary cried, arms crossed protectively across her chest.

“Magic that I wouldn’t have lost, if it wasn’t for you two.” He mumbled as he began to pace, he ran a hand through his hair, mind going a mile a minute as he tried to think a way to clean up their mess, again.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jace snarled, taking a threating step towards him, only to stop as Alec reached out and grabbed his arm.

“It means, that if you had talked to us, told us what was happening, none of this would be happening,” he snapped as he turned to face them and taking another deep breath, as he said, oddly calm, “You died and Clary used the wish to bring you back and that is fine, I’m glad your not dead, but if you had told us, I could have checked you over and made sure that you were okay, that nothing went wrong with your resurrection.

“Or how about those dreams. I mean, really, who the hell thinks it’s normal to have the same dream every night of killing the woman he professes to love, over and over again,” he scoffed as he turned to Clary and waved his hands between the two of them and smirked, “Because, honey, if he really thinks that’s normal, you might want to rethink this.

“And don’t even talk to me about the black out or the missing time, because if you had told someone, told Alec, your parabatai, the man you claim is the other have of your soul, but clearly don’t trust or respect, because if you did you would have told him and if you had told him we could have had someone watching you, find out what was happening with your black outs and maybe, just maybe we could have prevented all of this.”

He let out a sad sigh and shook his head before he turned and began to walk towards his bedroom.

“Magnus?” Alec called out to him as he walked away, “Magnus, where are you going?”

Magnus turned back to face them as he let out an exhausted sigh before he said, “I am going to bed. I am going to bed and I am going to pray to a god that I barely believe in, that when I wake up in the morning, all of this,” he waved his hand at the Shadowhunters as he let out a bitter chuckle as he said, “that this is all one big massive nightmare.” He put on a big fake smile and said in false pleasant tone as he finished, “I’m going to bed and pray that when I wake up tomorrow morning it’s twenty years in the past, and when Jocelyn comes knocking on my door, I’m going to tell her to go fuck herself with all the other Nephilim.”

He ignored the devastated look on Alec’s face as he turned and walked into his bedroom slamming the door behind him as leaned against it, before he took a couple of deep breaths to calm his anger and fear, after all his father is free from Edom, and pushed himself off the door and crawled into his bed, pulling the covers over his head and blocking out the world.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a one shot but thanks to all the lovely comments, I've been inspired to continue.

Magnus groaned as he pulled the covers up over his head as he fought to stay asleep. He never normally had a hard time waking up and getting out of bed, in fact he quite enjoyed it. The peace and quiet of his apartment as he went about his morning ritual, but as the memories of last night began to surface, he just wanted to bury himself in his bed.

He could hear someone moving about in the other room and tried to remember what had happened after he had slammed the door on his guests and crawled into bed. He vaguely remembered hearing the werewolves and seelies beginning to argue with the Shadowhunters, it wasn’t too long after that that he heard the door to his loft slamming shut and Wilkson, the Alpha werewolf, knocking on his bedroom door telling him that they had run the Shadowhunters out of his home and that they were going to leave as well. Magnus had been too tired to care and had eventually fallen asleep.

He groaned as he gave up on his sleep and rolled over onto his back, grimacing at the tacky feel of his make-up that he forgot to remove last night. He sat up and pushed the covers off, swinging his feet off the bed and stood up. He stretched, working out all his kinks, before he made his way into his bathroom. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and grimaced again at the state of his make-up. The banging of cupboard doors brought him out of his musings and he quickly undressed and stepped into the shower.

Once he was dressed and make up freshly applied, he was ready to face whoever was in his kitchen. He paused at his door as he contemplated who might be out there. His first thought was Alexander, but after last night he was sure the other man was still at the Institute going over the argument and trying to hunt down Asmodeus. He knew he had let his anger get the best of him last night, but he meant what he said, even though he knew that he had hurt Alexander, but he felt that it was something that Alec, all of them, had needed to hear. He felt guilty when he hoped that it wasn’t Alec waiting for him, even though he knew that the two would need to talk, he just wasn’t ready for it right now.

His second thought was Catarina and that might be just as bad as Alec. He knew she was pissed at him. Ever since Madzie had almost been kidnapped by Iris he had been avoiding her, he knew that she didn’t blame him, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty that he couldn’t protect the young warlock. She had left multiple text and fire messages, each getting increasingly angrier and angrier the longer he avoided her, but he couldn’t make himself see her. He took a deep breath before he opened the door and stepped out of his bedroom, letting out a surprised laugh at who he saw walking out of his kitchen carrying to coffee cups. 

“You’re finally up,” Dorothea said as walked over to him and passed him a cup.

“I had a rough night,” he said as he smiled at as he accepted the cup and they both walked over to the couch.

“I heard,” she said as they both settled down on opposites sides of the couch, backs against the arms as they faced each other.

“Of course, he went and told you,” he muttered into his cup before he took a sip.

“Now, don’t be like that. You know he’s just looking out for you.” She smirked at him.

Magnus just rolled his eyes as he took another sip of his coffee. 

“He did chase off the Shadowhunters,” she smirked at him.

“But he did bring the whining Seelies to my door step,” he grumbled as he frowned at her as he moaned, “I mean, how did he think I was going to be able to help. The Seelies don’t respect or listen to me because I don’t have my magic.”

“But Wilkson does, as does his pack. He just wants you to know that you still have friends in the Downworld.” she told him. She waited a few minutes to see if he had anything to add, but when he kept quiet, she asked, “So, what topic are we going to tackle first?”

“I’m not sure what you mean,” he said with a nonchalant shrug.

“You can’t avoid it forever,” she told him sternly as she gave him a mild glare before again asking, “So, your Shadowhunter or your father?”

“How about neither,” he groaned as he put his cup on the coffee table, he stood up and began to make his way to the kitchen as he threw over his shoulder, “It's too serious a subject to discuss on an empty stomach.”

Dot huffed and rolled her eyes at his dramatics as she stood up and followed him into the kitchen. She watched him as he rummaged in the fridge for a few minutes before she snapped her fingers and two plates of waffles and fruit appeared on the table.

“Sit and eat,” she said as she nodded to the plate closet to him and as she settled on the other side of the table of him, she said, “We can talk as we eat.”

She ignored his glare as she began to cut up her waffles. She silently ate waiting for him to break the silence first.

“It’s not like I can do anything,” he huffed, ignoring her triumphant smirk as he added, “I mean, no magic, what exactly can I do up against a Greater Demon?”

“You could offer advice and support to the warlock who is tasked with banishing Asmodeus,” she offered.

Magnus averted his eyes and played with his food, before he guiltily told her, “Banishing Asmodeus the first time almost destroyed me. I don’t think there is a warlock that is stronger than me that could send him back to Edom.”

She stared at him stunned. She knew he wasn’t bragging. He was simply stating a fact, a terrifying fact. One that she decided to put on hold for now. 

She took a deep breath before she changed the subject by asking, “And your Shadowhunter.”

“I …I’m sorry I let my anger get the best of me,” he said as he pushed away his mostly full plate away and crossed his arm on the table as he said, “But I meant what I said.”

At her raised eyebrow as he snorted and answered her, “Okay, not everything. I don’t regret meeting him, our relationship. And I know I should have talked to him, told him how I was feeling, but I was…”

“Basking in the bliss of a new love,” she smirked at him.

“Yes,” he said, and he shot her a mild glare as he said, “Although, you don’t have to make it sound like I’m some heroine from harlequin novel.”

“Why not?” she laughed as she added, “You know that Sandra Morton based some of her dashing heroes on you.”

“Shut up,” he blushed at the memory of some of the books written based somewhat on him.

She laughed at him and clicked her fingers as and cleaned away their breakfast. 

They sat in silence before she asked him, “So, Asmodeus, what are you going to do?”

“The only other warlock that I believe could have had the strength to banish Asmodeus was Ragnor,” he told her, sad tone of voice.

“But he’s …”

“Dead, yes I am aware,” he finished for her before he offered, “We could talk to the Seelies, ask the Queen to work with warlocks to work on a way to send him back to Edom.”

“Yes, and that doesn’t have disaster written all over it,” she smiled as he heard him bit back a laugh and said, “Let’s pin that for now as a last, last, last resort.”

“Of course,” he snorted before he frowned as a thought came to him as he said, “There is one warlock that I think might be strong enough to send him, with some support from some other warlocks,” at her blank look he answered, “Tessa.”

“But she never leaves the Labyrinth,” she frowned at him.

“I think she would be willing to leave to stop the apocalypse,” he smirked.

“Which warlocks?” she asked, ignoring his smirk.

“Catarina,” he said, before he thought for a few minutes thinking of some of the best suited warlocks that both they and Tessa knew and trusted, “Maybe Lucas, he is powerful enough to call on Greater Demons and we’ve both worked with him before and maybe Seraphina, she does specialise in rune and spell casting.”

“And me,” Dot insisted.

“Are you sure,” he asked as he looked at her concern clear in his voice as he asked her, “Have you completely held from Valentine’s experiments?”

“Yes, I am completely healed and at full strength,” she assured him.

“Well, if your sure,” he said as he stood up and walked over to the cabinet where his phone was charging an picked it up and told her, “I’ll contact Catarina and Tessa and ask them to come here and meet us, you can contact Lucas and Seraphina get them to come here. Best just to explain it all in one go, hmm?”

“Yeah,” she nodded she went of her to his desk and picked up a piece of paper and pen, before she began to write she turned to him and asked, “What about the Lightwood boy?”

He took a deep breath before he turned back to her and said, “I’ll wait until he comes to see me. I’m done always being the one to fixes things, to be the one that loses something in order to make things right.”

“Good,” she nodded to him before she went back to writing her fire messages and sending them away.

Magnus smiled before he went back to his call.

 

*** ** ***

 

“Magnus,” Catarina glared at him as soon as she stepped in to his apartment, “You have been avoiding me.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” He said as he walked over to her and simply offered, “After what happened with Madzie…I …I just…”

“I never held you responsible, Magnus,” she told him, gently, as she reached up and cupped his face, forcing him to look her in the eye as she told him, “I know you did everything in your power to protect Madzie.”

“Power,” he huffed bitterly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean … I …”

“No, it’s okay. I know.” He smiled at her before the smile fell from his face and he told her, “I didn’t ask you to come here to talk about that, we actually have a bigger problem.”

“What?” she frowned at him, growing more concerned.

“Asmodeus,” he said, when she was about say something he quickly said, “We’re waiting for some other people turn up before we get into it.”

She nodded as she asked, “We?”

“Dorothea,” he smiled as he led her into his apothecary. 

Dot was laying out maps of the city on the table when they entered and looked up and smiled at Catarina. She put down the map she was holding and pulled the other woman into a hug.

Catarina pulled back and gave her look over as she said, “You’re looking much better,”

“I’m felling much better, thank you,” 

The three old friends sat and talked quietly as they waited for the others to arrive.

“Tessa!” Catarina gasped in surprise at seeing the warlock portal into the loft.

“Cat! Dot!” Tessa smiled as the three women hugged. 

Tessa pulled back from them and turned to Magnus and pulled him into a hug as she murmured, “Magnus, I heard about what you did and I’m so sorry for everything you have gone through,” she felt the man tremble and tightened her grip on him. 

She waited until she was sure he had his emotions under control before she pulled back and smiled at him as she took his hand and turned to the other warlocks and asked, “So what is the emergency?”

“We should sit,” Magnus said as he led the small group to the living room.

Catarina, Tessa and Magnus sat on the couch, each woman securing Magnus between them. Dot sat in the blue armchair while Lucas and Seraphina took the love seat. Dot clicked her fingers and several cups of tea and coffee appeared on the small coffee table.

“Thank you,” Magnus smiled at her before he smirked as he added, “Although, I believe that well want something stronger after I fill you all in.” 

Magnus took a deep breath and began to explain about Jace and Clary summoning Asmodeus, how the Greater Demon killed the warlock that had summoned him and escaped and was now running all over town causing who knew what kind of chaos.

“Wow, when Shadowhunters mess up, they really go for it.” Lucas breathed as he slumped back into his chair.

“Tell me about it,” Magnus snorted.

“I think I’ll take that stronger drink now,” Lucas grumbled as clicked his waved his hand over the table producing glasses of wine, scotch and a martini.

“I’m assuming you have a plan if you called us all here,” Seraphina said as she picked up her glass of red wine.

“Well, we have a plan to come up with a plan,” Magnus snorted as he nodded his thanks to Lucas and picked up his tumbler of scotch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sandra Morton is a famous Mills and Boons writer that my mother used to read. I found one of her books lying around and began to read it out of boredom one day and that’s what lead me to my love of books.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is turning out to be longer than I expected for what was originally only supposed to be a one shot, there should only be another three chapters ( this one, the next one where they deal with Asmodeus and then the final one where Alec and Magnus finally talk and get there happy ending) but I hope you are enjoying it.

The group of warlocks stood around the table as they each tried to come up with a plan to try and capture and banish Asmodeus. They had been at it for hours, coming up with hundreds of plans only to discard them just as quickly. They had finally settled on a plan of action when Dot turned to look at him.

“What?” he frowned at her.

“You have a visitor,” she told him.

“Thank you,” he nodded at her before he turned to the others said a little louder for them all to hear, “Thank you, everyone for coming. I have something very important to take care of right now, but I will talk to the Shadowhunters and fill them in on our plan. I’ll contact you all once everything is taking care of.”

Magnus looked at Dot and nodded to Catarina, silently asking her to fill Catarina in. Dot nodded and walked over to Catarina and linked their arms as she opened a portal and escorted her through. He took a deep breath and he walked out of his apothecary and went over to his door. He took another deep breath to steady his nervous before he opened the door.

“Alexander,” he greeted.

“Magnus, I …can I …”

Magnus let out a small sigh as he stood back and opened the door further, letting him pass him before he closed the door behind him.

“Magnus, I wanted to talk about…” he trailed off when he heard some noises coming from his apothecary and turned to him and asked, “You have someone over.”

“I had some warlocks over trying to come up with a plan to try and capture Asmodeus,” he explained, he held up a finger to stop whatever Alec was going to say as he said, “They’re leaving for now, but we’ll meet up again tomorrow when we’re ready.”

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to get involved…”

“I am already involved,” Magnus cut him off as he said voice cold and hard, “He is my father. I am involved whether I want to be or not.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec said as he let out a deep sigh as he reached out to take Magnus hand and pulled him a little closer, “I’m sorry…”

“I know,” Magnus cut him off as he reached up with his free hand and cupped his check and said, “You keep saying that, but one of these days, that word is going to lose all meaning,” he gave him a small sad smile as he rubbed his over his check before he pulled his hand back and patted him on the shoulder as he said, “I am sorry too. I never… I let my anger get to me last night and …and I may have said somethings that I didn’t mean.”

“Magnus, I …”

“Please don’t say you’re sorry,” Magnus quickly said. He let out a deep sigh as he gave him a small smile and waved over to the couch.

They both settled down on the couch and sat in silence for a few minutes before Magnus let out a sigh and turned to him.

“What I said last night, about all of this being a nightmare…” he took a deep breath and gave Alec a small smile as he reached out and took his hand in his as he told him, “I don’t regret meeting you, I don’t regret our relationship…our loving you…I …I just…”

“I love you too,” Alec said as he tightened his grip on Magnus hand.

“I know,” he said with another sad smile as he said, “But you say that like… like it will fix everything, but eventually, like the way you so often tell me you are sorry, that word… the word is going to become just as meaningless. Just another empty promise.”

“But I…” Alec trailed off ss he realised he didn’t know how to respond to that.

“This isn’t all your fault,” Magnus sighed as he ran his free hand through his hair as he said, “I should have talked to you. Spoken to you about how I felt.”

“Then tell me,” Alec said as he reached out for Magnus free hand and clutched at them as he forced himself to look Magnus in the eye “Talk to me about how you feel.”

“I feel…I feel if I start talking now it would ruin everything we have…”

“But…we can’t fix this…can’t fix us if I don’t know what the problem is….” Alec pleaded.

“I feel… I feel disappointed… angry…” he pulled his hands free from Alec’s and wrapped his arms around his waist, almost protectively as he said, “I feel …betrayed.”

“Betrayed…” Alec flinched as he looked at Magnus in horror as he said, “I never…”

“You knew how scared I was of my father and yet you stood there and let me go to hell,” he said as he stood up and began to pace a little as he let out all his pent up emotions from how he felt, “And I know that was my choice, but it still…when you …you …I stood in the Institute and told you that I would do …anything…even give up my life to save Jace, to make up for the potion I gave Lilith and I meant that I did but you… all you did was hug me …you never said no or that we would work it out together or…but you just… you thanked me…and then here in the loft when you realised… I … what I was doing you …you…you tried to stop me, you did… but you…you had to have known that it wasn’t going to be that easy… that he was …you asked me if I was going to come back…so you can’t sit there and say that you… that you thought that it would just be a stroll in the park and a big happily family reunion… you knew ….you knew that it would result in something bad …knew how scared I was… how terrified I was and you…you still just stood there and let me go… to hell… on my own…so yes I feel betrayed…”

He was still pacing and so missed the range of emotions that had crossed Alec’s face, but he was too lost in his own head, finally allowing himself to express his anger and pain to Alec. He had spent months holding back his anger, watching as Alec went about his day, looking after the Institute and Jace, and he knew that he tried to be there for Magnus too but he just didn’t understand the enormity on his pain, of his loss of his magic, no matter how hard or how many times he tried to explain it to Alec.

“Magnus…”

“And now … you …ever since I came back…my magic …you …you act …act like it’s something that …I …I should be over it…like it’s a lose that I should be … you keep giving me all these comments about…how much I mean to you and …and about how powerful I still am with out my magic and …and…”

“But Magnus it true… everything I said is…”

“Stop it,” Magnus snapped as he turned to glare a him, “It doesn’t make everything better because you throw a few pretty words at me…and just because you believe it …it doesn’t make me believe it,” he gave a bitter laugh as he said, “And I’ve tried, believe me I have tried, ever since you…ever since Lorenzo took his magic back I have tried to believe you…but it’s all just pretty words…you love me I have no doubt about that…but you seem to think that telling me or…or….or getting married is going to make all this …” he waved at himself as he said, “I love you Alec I do and I want to get married to you, I don’t regret that either, but sometimes …sometimes I feel that you…”

He was cut off as his loft door burst open and Jace, Clary and Izzy ran in.

“Learn to fucking knock,” Magnus muttered bitterly.

“I’m sorry,” Izzy panted as she came in behind them and looked at Alec, “I’m so sorry. I tried to stop them, told them that you didn’t want to be interrupted but they insisted.”

“Jace, Clary what are you doing here,” Alec asked as he stood up to face them, swiping his hand over his eyes, wiping away any lingering tears.

“We have a way to track Asmodeus,” Jace said, a little proud smile on his face.

“No!” Magnus snapped, glaring at him.

“Magnus, we just want to help.” Clary pleaded.

“Your help,” Magnus sneered at her, “Has caused enough trouble. You will leave cleaning up your messes to the people that actually know what they are doing.”

“Hey, we…”

“Shut up Jace,” Alec snapped at his brother as he turned to his told him, “Magnus is right. He is working with other warlocks and they’ve come up with a plan. We are going to do this their way.”

“Oh, don’t worry Tweedledum and Tweedledee,” Magnus gave them both a bland smile as he told them, “You will still have a part in cleaning up your mess.”

“Okay, so what is this great plan of yours?” Jace demanded with a huff as he crossed his arms and glared defiantly a Magnus.

“You will find out when you need to,” Magnus said with a wave of his hand at his door and said, “Now, I would like you to leave, please.”

“Come on Magnus,” Clary tried. Looking at him with pleading eyes as she tried, “If we are going to help, then you need to tell us the plan.”

“And I will, when you need to know,” he stressed again.

“Magnus, you can trust…”

“Trust,” he cut her off with a bitter laugh, “Trust you, you expect me to …after everything…I sacrificed my magic to safe your ungrateful ass and…and how do you repay me back… by summoning my father and letting him escape and now my friends will be putting their lives at risk to clean up your mess again and banishing him back to Edom.”

“We messed up, we know,” Jace snarled at him getting fed up with his mistakes flung back at him as he defended, “But we thought we were doing the right thing, we were trying to help you.”

“Magnus…”

“You two are so ungrateful, you know that,” Magnus muttered bitterly as he began to pace, unable to keep back all the hate and anger that he was pushing back when talking to Alec as he rambled, “neither of you have thanked me, or came to me to say sorry for what happened to me, none of you…except maybe Alec…with a few thrown platitudes about how he still loves me… how I’m still the same man he fell in love with… thinking it will lift my sadness… but you all treat the loss of my magic as if it was …as if it was just some toy that I don’t want to play with anymore…”

He turned to Alec as continued his panic and anger finally takin over, “You asked me to marry you… and I said yes because I love you but it… sometimes… sometimes it’s like you think it will make everything better… every time you show me some new house listing to look at or a cake to taste or talk to me about something else related to our wedding… I can’t … and I know… I know… I see the way you look at me sometimes… but… it’s not about you not being enough for me,” Magnus said, voice hoarse from crying, “It’s about my grieving for something that I have lost, and I know that I’m having a hard time of …of opening up and telling you what I’m feeling… of letting you in… but I have spent years, centuries relying on myself and I’m trying… but it’s only been a couple of weeks and I need time… time to grieve, time to adjust and get used to this new life and… and I do… I do need you and I am trying …I am trying to …I need you… to be happy to be okay again I’m going to need…”

“You said you’re not happy…”

“Of course, I’m not fucking happy, I’ve lost a part of me, part of my soul,” he cried as he looked at him and asked, “Would you be okay or happy if Jace had died with only a few weeks to grieve,” and seeing that Alec was about to protest he snapped, “And don’t you dare tell me it’s not the same, it is the same. My magic is just as much as a part of my soul as Jace is yours. You told me that you would be nothing if you lost Jace, and I took that seriously. I understood what that lose would cost you and I gave up my magic to save Jace and that was my choice, I made that decision and I knew and accepted what it meant, but when I said the same thing to you about my magic, you acted like it was something that that could be glossed over… something that wasn’t that … that…”

Everyone jumped in surprise as a portal opened up and Catarina and Dot stepped through, they ignored the stunned Shadowhunters and made their way over to Magnus.

Catarina gently cupped Magnus face in her hands as she whispered quietly to him, getting his breathing back under control and reducing his panic.

Dot turned and glared a them as she snapped, “What happened?”

When they stayed quiet she took a deep breath and, a little more calmly she said, “We set up some wards, in case Asmodeus attacked here at the loft. They went of indicating that he was having a major panic attack, we came because we thought it was Amadeus. So, what happened?”

“Dot, we just wanted to help,” Clary began to try to explain.

“I think we’ve all had enough of your help,” she snipped at the girl, ignoring her flinch as she turned to Alec and asked, “I thought you two were talking?”

“We were, but they came over wanting to help,” Alec explained as he said, “I was trying to send them away but…”

She turned to them and told them, “I think it’s time for you all to leave,”

“But…”

“That wasn’t a suggestion,” she snapped as she cut Jace of with a glare as she warned them with a wave of her hand, magic weaving through her fingers, “Leave now, or I will give you a little helping hand.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Alec told her as he turned to Jace, Clary and Izzy and said, “They were just leaving.” At her look he quickly told her, “I’ll leave to, I just want to make sure he’s going to be okay.”

They both turned to see Magnus was sat on the ground, Catarina crouched over him protectively as she helped him with getting his breathing under control.

“You know,” he said a little breathless as he looked up at Alec, “I can’t… I keep thinking about that night before you were supposed to get married… about what you said… what you stood to lose… but what exactly did you lose cause from where I’m sitting you still have your family, your career, your life whereas I have lost Ragnor and Raphael, my family, my High Warlock statues, my career – gone and my magic, my life, my soul it’s gone and… everything that I am… that I was it’s all gone and… and you look at me some time like I should… I think you should leave now… we’ll talk, but later, right know you I need… I just need some time.”

“You heard him it’s time for you all to leave,” Dot said with a pointed look to Clary and Jace, and ushered them to the door as she said, “We’ll call you for when your needed to clean up your mess.”

With that she closed the door on them and went back to help Catarina with Magnus, helping him into his bedroom and crawling into bed with him, offering him the comfort he needed as he fell asleep.


End file.
